Team Dalton

Team Dalton – Back From the Dead (Or Wherever He Was) After a mysterious five-year disappearance that baffled analysts, teammates, and his fantasy app login system, Team Dalton has finally emerged from exile. Whether he was on a soul-searching retreat in the Yukon, secretly managing a KHL team under an alias, or simply "forgot the season started" five years in a row—no one truly knows. What we do know is that he's back. And he’s convinced he never really left… just “took a few seasons off to let the league recalibrate.”

The last time we saw Team Dalton in action, the Leafs were still giving fans hope in October, and Phil Kessel still had a plausible chance at cardio. Dalton’s exit was as quiet as his powerplay numbers—one day he was here, drafting backup goalies and overhyping sleeper picks, the next he was gone, leaving behind a ghost roster full of injured vets and bad waiver claims.

Now, with a gleam in his eye and a spreadsheet from 2018, he’s returned like a washed-up enforcer trying to win back his spot on the fourth line. He claims he’s "been doing his research,” which probably means watching a highlight reel of Jaromír Jágr and confidently saying things like, “This kid McDavid might have something.”

He comes equipped with:
Bold, reckless draft strategies
A gut feeling about a breakout season from a 36-year-old third-liner
A tendency to pick players based on “vibes” and beard length
And absolutely no idea how the salary cap works now

But don’t let the rust fool you—underneath that thick layer of fantasy dust lies a dangerous manager… or at least a wildly entertaining one. He’s here to stir the pot, chirp in the group chat, and draft one or two players who aren’t even in the league anymore “because they had a good preseason once.”. Dalton is on a mission—to reclaim lost glory, mispronounce at least five rookie names.

Is Team Dalton back for redemption? Revenge? Or just for the trash talk and beer? Who’s to say. But one thing’s for sure: the pool hasn’t been the same without him—and now that he’s back, things are about to get way more chaotic.

Watch out, folks. The comeback tour has begun—and he’s aiming for 8th place like it’s the Stanley Cup.

Prediction for 2025-26: 6th Place